Heroes and Demons OTD Thread.

The Demon was mostly in character John.

But the voice inside Alejandro's head, the bold, is a bit too cultured for him. It resembles someone like War more than anything.

The Demon's English is worse than Hulk's, which is why most of its thoughts (italicized words) were one word in length.

Other than that it's fairly well done. So, if I may, can I go in and edit those? I'll do my best to retain the message of the sentence.

My new post is a short one, mainly because I wanted more honest replies from the characters. So that would require a post from yourselves.

I used Jordan, Bryce, and Sam only a little.

You might as well edit them. It's a learning curve for all of us; anythng done to make the story betteris for our learning.

Manny wrote:The Demon was mostly in character John.

But the voice inside Alejandro's head, the bold, is a bit too cultured for him. It resembles someone like War more than anything.

The Demon's English is worse than Hulk's, which is why most of its thoughts (italicized words) were one word in length.

Other than that it's fairly well done. So, if I may, can I go in and edit those? I'll do my best to retain the message of the sentence.

My new post is a short one, mainly because I wanted more honest replies from the characters. So that would require a post from yourselves.

I used Jordan, Bryce, and Sam only a little.

I edited them a bit before reading this, but absolutely! Feel free to correct anything you saw that you felt was out of place.

I changed the bold into italics, and made the sentences a bit shorter, but I still feel like I lost some of the Demon's persona in translation. Feel free to edit if you want.

I started the next part. That cool? I expect we'll have to extract the bugger for the time being.

And from the way you portrayed Sam, it was pretty accurate, Manny.

Oh and hey I don't mind you guys taking over

Do it up, Jensen! Great chapter.

Good to see you've contributed a character, Angel. I'll take control of him in my next part.

I'll post mine soon. Within a few hours. For now, I'm in a meeting.

The angel of hope wrote:Mason floated down next to the robo guy startling him as he pointed his arm canon at mason, but he didn't budge all he did was push it away.

"ya do that again and I'll suffocate you where you stand" mason said flicking a finger and started twisting smoke around his finger "so. Ya, my name is mason and we need to go they are almost here"

Mason seems a little... Off.

Floats behind a guy he doesn't know and then gets defensive when Jordan turns around to defend himself?

He threatens Jordan and then says he'll go with them.

Is Mason supposed be this way? Bi-polarish I mean. Just wondering.

Nonetheless, Mason has a nice set of powers. Like Storm from the X-men

I agree. A little build up could be good. Maybe edit it and build up to him joining the group, Angel. Or wait until later... Give us insight into the character.

Bad John wrote:

Manny wrote:The Demon was mostly in character John.

But the voice inside Alejandro's head, the bold, is a bit too cultured for him. It resembles someone like War more than anything.

The Demon's English is worse than Hulk's, which is why most of its thoughts (italicized words) were one word in length.

Other than that it's fairly well done. So, if I may, can I go in and edit those? I'll do my best to retain the message of the sentence.

My new post is a short one, mainly because I wanted more honest replies from the characters. So that would require a post from yourselves.

I used Jordan, Bryce, and Sam only a little.

I edited them a bit before reading this, but absolutely! Feel free to correct anything you saw that you felt was out of place.

I changed the bold into italics, and made the sentences a bit shorter, but I still feel like I lost some of the Demon's persona in translation. Feel free to edit if you want.

It won't let me edit the posts of higher ups on the site...

Send me a message with stuff you want edited. More than likely, y'all will want me to change some stuff on my most recent chapter.

I took some big risks, in terms of character, on this one. I REALLY hope you like them and they pay off, but I will make changes if need be.

Backstory on the base:

Marie: A strawberry blonde woman in her late twenties. She wears safty orange clothing and goggles that she uses when soldering. She's a bit snippy, and will be easily annoyed or flustered with the new arrivals.

Saffore: Jordan's nurse. She's african american, wears scrubs, and has a pony tail. She has a bottomless well of kindness, and never hesitates to comfort people. She only ever gets angry when someone she cares about doesn't live up to their potential, or someone gets hurt while taking a stupid risk.

The Base: A moderately sized mobile complex. In terms if interior, think of the flying base in The Avengers. It is capable of ground and aquatic transport, and is shaped like a massive steel aircraft carrier with retractable wheels.

Staff: 20 scientists, 120 technicians, 60 security officers, 15 doctors including Saffore. Other people in the complex include patients and robots. It is a very advanced hospital that dabbles in the treatment/empowerment of meta humans. It is headed by a mysterious benefactor that few people speak with named Marilyn Rico. Even Rico's gender is unknown to most people.

Good stuff. I guess we're waiting for Angel or Morgan to go?

I think Morgan is busy. It should be ok if you go if you want to, Manny.

Woo hoo. That was good stuff! Love the character development going on here. You did we'll with Sam, I think. Better than me. Haha.

Bad John wrote:I think Morgan is busy. It should be ok if you go if you want to, Manny.

Well I was just asking because at this point... There's nothing I can do with Alejandro until the next day.

So I wanted give other writers a chance to write something in if they wanted something to happen that night.

Go for it Manny. It's a good transition point right now.

Yup. Not much left.

I just promoted Manny.

I didn't know I could do that.

Congrats, Manny.

We need a big bad. Suggestions were: the government, Terra Co, Alpha, and the others like Alejandro.

Because other than that, in terms of plot, there'd be Alejandro's training, but that could take a while and it'd get boring writing each session. And perhaps an "ice breaker" before that in the morning.

Promotion! YEEAAAAAH!

Wait... What did I get promoted to? I'm still dark Spartan green.

An ice breaker would help. Maybe Jordan and the others officially making the decision not to kill Al.

I had an idea. Jordan and the others would leave Alejandro alone to skirmish with Alpha's forces, but when a creature like Alejandro attacks and nearly kills the group, Alejandro steps up and fights, controlling himself. After that point, Jordan would trust him and try to start training him.

Also, Operative. Same as me.

You, Jensen, and Vale are all now the same rank as me.

Good ideas all around. We should have a counter for each character, I think... In die time. Let's not worry about that now. And with that fight, the heroes would have a bit of insight into a way to begin training Alejandro. And the great thing is, it's a semi-dangerous way. EVERY story needs things like that.

I sorta had a counter for Alejandro. It's just an idea brewing in my head, needs more time to solidfy.

Anyways, about "the" fight where Alejandro "tames" the beast... I don't think it's be as easy as "Listen to me!" And it will.

Alejandro may have to play with its mind, and get into that mentality. Something along the lines of "Show him (other demon) who's boss!". THEN it might agree, but if it doesn't he's shit outta luck.

And I think Bryce might come in handy here. He's a telepath, so he could establish a link with Alejandro... Kinda like a gauge to determine how the situation is going on inside.

If it gets to the point where nearly all the thoughts are one sided and coming from the Demon, they'll know to watch out I guess.

Not to give away Alpha's full range of powers, but his counter to Jordan is that he's simply more advanced.

The circumstances behind his Editing allowed for him to receive more powerful upgrades. The two of them are simply on a different scale in terms of technological power.

But, since he isn't going to be directly fighting anyone for a while, I'll have to come up with another enemy with different, but just as compelling, counter to Jordan's abilities.

Bad John wrote:Not to give away Alpha's full range of powers, but his counter to Jordan is that he's simply more advanced.

The circumstances behind his Editing allowed for him to receive more powerful upgrades. The two of them are simply on a different scale in terms of technological power.

But, since he isn't going to be directly fighting anyone for a while, I'll have to come up with another enemy with different, but just as compelling, counter to Jordan's abilities.

I do wish you'd consult with me before you hand out promotions. Not that I don't mind or anything, Manny clearly deserves it, but I'd like to at least be kept in the loop at least .

Anyways, I was about to post something, and my sister called saying she was in the hospital, had to go see if she was alright. She is and she's home now.

Good to know she's alright, dude.

Glad she's alright, indeed.

So who's going next?